Faint drums reverberate throughout the Duke Chapel, which is lively to the brim. I still can’t believe they hired the band for this. The triumphant and frightening uproar reverberates throughout the building, and a procession of students comes out onto the stage. Suddenly, a booming voice broke through the music with one word: “silence.”
The echo of the music immediately fades away, and the students on the stage quickly take their seats. Almost as if guided by one consciousness, the audience looks at the origin of the sound – a group of professors sitting in the back of the church, next to the organ. They are due to preside over the emergency court today, a rare full-body meeting of the Council of Great Economists, the first in more than a decade. Although the room is silent, the tension is almost deafening. Everyone in the room understands what hangs in the balance, and what is at stake if this meeting fails. The first student stands on the stage, takes the podium, and bravely opens his mouth to speak.
“What if we submit mobile applications to NFTs?”
This emergency meeting aims to address a campus that is in control of the fast food point inflation. Although food point inflation has been set at around 4% for many years, this year has seen the prices of some dishes around campus go up by as much as 20%. The sudden change in cost split the student body, with different meal plans referring students to radically different lifestyles and social classes. Talking to ordinary students in the dining halls shows how deep the division is, as I found while wandering around campus one night around dinnertime.
“Food point inflation has gone too far,” student Rand Taylor says in an interview near the entrance to the WU. “Coffee prices are over $100 per gallon, and they are showing no signs of slowing down! I blame President Price. We need to stop relying on foreign coffee, and start making more of it on campus. I have supply chain issues or something, But why does it affect me? What next, the lack of pasta? If I can’t get Il Forno, I’ll go to UNC.”
Not all students agreed with this assessment, though, as I heard from student Alex Warren at BC Arena. “Please. Did you go to Farmstead to find this quote? All you’ll find there is a bourgeois named Plan C, waving about their food points like it’s nothing. If you want to hear from the common man, live food refers to the food point in Plan A, Do interviews near the Panda Express. For me, I don’t think Bryce is at all responsible—what could the boss do?”
Several departments have proposed different solutions to the crisis, but nothing so far has been able to stop the rapid rise in restaurant prices. After hours of disruption, the Political Society of Political Scientists’ only resolution was a proposal to The Loop to launch an armed invasion of McDonald’s. In a rare collaboration, the Department of Statistical Studies and the Student Mathematics Union just released a statement that said “Yes, the rate of inflation is very high.” However, hopes are high, though, that CME will be able to channel the formidable analytical power of the crypto fraternity and Reddit day traders across campus to decide on a meaningful course of action and stem food point inflation before the campus collapses into recession. .
Now, in court, a representative of Duke Blockchain Lab has finished his speech. His move to make food points cryptocurrency and move mobile orders onto the blockchain was highly influential, powerfully revolutionary, and almost completely unintelligible. Everyone around me shakes their head as if it makes sense, and so I do the same, and I don’t want to seem left out. One moderate professor announces that this plan will be added to the list of resolutions for a vote, and the next speaker is called to the podium.
The next two hours are a whirlwind of innovative solutions and inspiring speeches. One student recommends replacing chicken with squirrel meat at most institutions to cut costs, while another suggests replacing the CMA offices at Bryan’s with Trader Joe’s to give students a variety of food options. Any movement to privatize WU is gaining a rush of support until someone points out that all WU restaurants are already privately owned. I can feel the crowd around me beating like a beating heart. The hopes and dreams of all the students are on the line in this room, and I am overwhelmed by the rush of society as we move toward a solution to fix our economy forever.
Suddenly, a lonely man from the audience stands up. We all fell silent as he made his way to the podium. A bellowing sound echoed from the professors’ balcony.
“This is not on the agenda. Who are you to stand in front of this unannounced council?”
“My name is Milton Smith. I’m not on the agenda because I’m only on campus for one night. I’m out this semester doing an internship at Goldman Sachs.”
Silence falls on the crowd. We are in the presence of a genius in business.
Personally, I think this is a matter of financial responsibility. If Duke students can’t manage their food points budget, it shouldn’t be on us. It’s time for the community to move through the boot and take additional work study, or be more economical at WU. All of this can be fixed if students fix their spending habits, and it is not our duty as an economist to make the economy better.”
The words echoed through the hall. rhythm passing. Then the professor broke the silence with slow applause. Soon the entire council applauded. Students on stage receive a warm welcome. In this way, the meeting ended. As I get up to leave, I see hundreds of happy economic majors cheering, shaking hands and patting their backs, and congratulating themselves on solving another crisis.
Monday lives Monday off $5 in daily deals and food they earn from squirrels in a trash can brawl. Their column runs every other day, unless they run out of food points and they’re starving.
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